Jan. 1, 2023

Rent-a-hitman in LegoLand // 144 // Dumb criminals

Rent-a-hitman in LegoLand // 144 // Dumb criminals

A bank robber that calls ahead of time, a criminal with a LegoLand license, a swarm of bees, and pumpkins stuffed with condoms.  These are just a few of the stories you will hear in our dumb criminals episode!

Website: https://www.drinkingthecoolaid.com/

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Transcript

Call before you rob

Albert Bailey and an accomplice attempted to rob a bank, but they called ahead of time to let them know. Lieutenant Michael Gagner of the Fairfield Connecticut Police Department said, “But I've never had somebody call ahead and say get the money, we're coming.” The two of them called up People's Bank in Fairfield. Authorities said a bank employee received the call from someone demanding that $100k in large bills be gathered, or there would be a “blood bath” if the orders weren't carried out.


The employee immediately called 911 after hanging up and the bank issued a lockdown once the would be robber was inside. The accomplice handed the teller a note demanding money while the employee was on the phone with the police. The employee said, “The guy is literally giving us a blow-by-blow, saying the robbery is going down.” He passed the teller a note and collected about $900, then politely asked to be let out of the bank. The suspect went outside where police were waiting for him. 


He tried to run to the getaway car and both men were arrested. One suspect was 27 year old Albert Bailey and the other suspect was a juvenile. The two were charged with first degree robbery and threatening in the first degree. Albert Bailey was on probation for another bank hold-up several years prior. When the robbers called the bank, they insisted that the money be waiting for them and they couldn't put any dye packs in there. The bank didn't comply and a bag of cash exploded in dye when the suspects threw it on the ground. Lieutenant Gagner said, “We were all kind of cracking up with the call ahead aspect of it, definitely unusual technique.”


Police caught him in the act

Darren Kimpton entered a house in the middle of the night and it had already been burglarized earlier in the evening. Police officers were in the home for the investigation when he broke in. He actually tried to break into another house, but he was unsuccessful and left blood on the window, so it wasn't too difficult to link him to both crimes.


Criminal security guard

27-year-old Zyeama Johnson, a former Postal Service worker from Jersey City, was on the run for a crime she committed in Monroe County, Pennsylvania, but she was busted when she walked into a New Jersey sheriff's office and asked to be hired. She sent in paperwork to be a security guard at the law enforcement agency and they called her in for an interview. She had two stolen credit cards and she was also hit with credit card theft charges.


You have the right to drive in LegoLand

A UK driver was arrested for reckless driving. The 21-year-old lead the police on a pretty good chase after they attempted to pull him over after he had been seen maneuvering recklessly. The driver refused to pull over and lead them on a 35 mile chase from Southeast London to Kent. The police had to call in a helicopter, but the man eventually ran out of gas. Officers found a large stash of marijuana in the car. They asked the man for his documentation and he gave them his LegoLand license.


The award is gifted to children who pass the theme park's driving test using a brick-built electric car. So, he got this when he was a toddler. The cops jokingly tweeted that the LegoLand license wasn't the reason for the dangerous driving, it was the large amount of cannabis, lack of a real license, and lack of insurance. 


How about me?

The Rockdale County Sheriff's Office posted a list of their ten most wanted violent offenders on social media. A few hours after making the post, Christopher Spaulding commented to say “How about me?”

The sheriff's office looked into this and replied “You are correct you have two warrants, we are on the way.”


Deputies say that Christopher didn't make the most wanted list because it was based on the severity of charges, meaning it typically includes those with violent crimes like murder, rape, or aggravated assault. Christopher wanted to be included, so he was picked up on two charges of felony probation violation.


Police impersonator

A registered sex offender, Jeremy Dewitte, has been accused of impersonating police officers at least five time in Florida and he was arrested again just three months after his release from state prison. He was arrested for a probation violation on a warrant out of Orange County. Jeremy was arrested in 2005, but claims his arrest is due to failure to remove a video from his YouTube channel which showed him guiding funeral procession while posing as a motorcycle cop. He works for a company that provides motorcycle escorts for funerals, but he was accused of impersonating an officer 4 times in two months. Videos show him directing traffic for the funeral procession and his motorcycle had sirens and flashing lights. In one clip, he was telling drivers to pull over and he called one of them a dumb fuck. 


Less than two years later, Jeremy was pulled over on a motorcycle while dressed as an officer and carrying a weapon. Jeremy pleaded no contest to charges and served 15 months and vowed to never return to prison again. He did say he is unable to remove the videos from his YouTube channel because he was hacked.


Swarm of bees

A woman in Massachusetts is facing multiple assault and battery charges for allegedly releasing a swarm of bees on a group of sheriff's deputies. They were trying to serve her with an eviction notice and she started shaking the hives and broke the cover off one, causing hundreds of bees to swarm out and she put on a beekeeper's suit to protect herself. She was eventually handcuffed, but several people were stung and three officers were allergic. When she was told about this, she said, “Oh , you're allergic? Good.” Luckily, everyone survived.


Pumpkins stuffed with condoms

More than $300k worth of methamphetamine was uncovered at Texas Eagle Pass Port of Entry. Drug smugglers crammed it into four condom filled pumpkins. Officers at the bridge connecting the US to Mexico stopped a 2012 Ford Escape and they found the pumpkins in the vehicle. The pumpkins were stuffed with 136 condoms filled with liquid meth and this totaled almost 44 pounds. CBP officials say that the previous day in Arizona, they found about 2,100 fentanyl pills stuffed inside tamales in an ice chest. Each tamale had a baggie of blue pills inside.


Illegal autopsy

42-year-old Shawn Parcells was sentenced in federal court to one count of wire fraud after admitting to running an illegal autopsy scheme. He was a self-taught pathology assistant with no formal education who was the owner of National Autopsy services. He persuaded a client to pay $5,000 for an autopsy and the client received an email with the report, but Shawn was the only one present, no pathologist was involved. He assisted a privately hired pathologist in 2014 and was frequently in the media, so a CNN story revealed that he didn't actually have any training or certification. He made more than $1.1 million in Kansas from over 350 clients for autopsies, but he didn't perform most of them. He ran 3 companies and was charged with conducting illegal autopsies and it was discovered that he collected more than 1.600 biological samples, mostly human tissue.


Jail break in

A man in Tampa, Florida was arrested on drunken charges after being involved in a fender bender. A few hours later, he posted bail and was freed from jail, but it didn't last long. He attempted to break into three separate vehicles that were parked at the jail, so he picked up burglary charges. He claimed he was not trying to break into the vehicles, he was just looking for his keys.


No doughnuts were harmed in this story

A man stole some cash from Johnny Doughnuts in the San Francisco Bay Area and he also grabbed the keys to the bakery vehicle, but didn't actually take the vehicle itself. The man was able to “manipulate” the doorknob to break into the office. Surveillance video shows him going back and forth between the back office and storage area and he pried open the filing cabinet and took a bank bag with an unknown amount of money. The two weirdest parts are that he actually had to go back because he forgot his keys and he didn't steal any doughnuts.


Rent-a-hitman

A woman tried to hire a hitman from a fake website. 52-year-old Lynn Wein found a site online called Rent-A-Hitman and she filled out a form asking for help killing her ex-husband. The site is owned by a computer professional Bob Innes who launched the site in 2005 to promote a hacking prevention business. He started checking the site's inbox and found many disturbing requests and he thought the site was just an obvious joke. When Lynn submitted her request on the site she used a fake name, but gave her real contact information. She mentioned that her ex stole $20k from her and she couldn't commit the crime herself because she would prefer not to go to jail. The Michigan State Police contacted Lynn and pretended to affiliated with the hitman site. She gave a detective her ex's address and told them where he worked. She gave a $200 down payment and agreed to pay $5k for the murder. She plead guilty to the crime and could serve up to 9 years in prison.


Booty smooches

John Collazos, a Florida man, was accused of performing dentistry without a license. He put dental equipment in his Hollywood apartment and a patient complained to police and said things got out of hand during her scheduled appointment for a toothache. John allegedly administered a paste to soothe her toothache. When that didn't work, he had to give her an injection in her butt to reduce the pain in her mouth.....then he kissed her booty and touched her genitalia....to make her mouth feel better? 


Ear nibbles

According to the Boca police, a victim had a chunk of his ear bitten off after he turned down the man who asked him for a cigarette. Only a thin piece of cartilage kept the whole ear from being ripped off. John Ott told police that he was helping a friend with something when his neighbor Alberto Felipe asked if he could bum a cigarette. John said no and Felipe walked up to him, gave him a bear hug, and chomped down on his ear.


Wedgies

A Youtube prankster was arrested for allegedly giving wedgies to people outside a Florida movie theater. 18-year-old Charles Ross was known for videotaping pranks and harassing people, then putting the videos on YouTube. He had a video where he was kissing strangers and got 400k views. While he was at the theater, he grabbed people by the back of the pants and pulled them up hard. Several victims were too embarrassed to even press charges. Charles said he will continue to make his videos despite his arrest.


Pawn the goods

33-year-old Nathaniel Coleman robbed a home and got thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. He decided to pawn the jewelry so he went to Marilyn's Boutique according to The Naples Daily News. He started showing off the items to the store manager, but she was immediately suspicious because it all looked identical to items from her own jewelry collection. She didn't know that her home had been robbed that day, so she excused herself to go to the back and call her husband. She kept Nathaniel in the store talking and her husband showed up with the police. Nathaniel was arrested and the house had in-fact been broken into, the back door was forced open.


Attack of the banana

Phillip Joseph Smolinsky was arrested on charges of domestic battery and resisting arrest without violence related to the fruit fight. When police arrived to the home, his girlfriend said he threw a banana at her, but he said that's not true, she threw a banana at him! An officer noticed that the girlfriend's face was slightly red where the banana hit her and the banana was found in the garbage. When police attempted to arrest Joseph, he resisted and had to be pepper sprayed.


Eff Christmas music

A 33-year-old man in Madison, Wisconsin was arrested after he threw a beer bottle at a bartender. This happened at 4 PM on Christmas Eve at the Farm Tavern. Here's the official press release from City of Madison Police Department:

“Madison Police Officers responded to the Farm Tavern Bar, reference a disturbance, and determined the suspect had just left the premises. The suspect was described as a tall male with long black hair and broken/discolored teeth. The reporting officer spoke with several witnesses/patrons of the bar, and they described the intoxicated suspect, identified as Christopher Gamboeck, and his violent behavior. Gamboeck got upset when the bartender changed the music in the bar from the English rock band Black Sabbath to Christmas music.”

“Gamboeck chugged his glass bottle of Budweiser beer, and slammed it down on the counter. After yelling some expletives at the female bartender, Gamboeck threw the bottle in the direction of her head. Other patrons stepped in to keep Gamboeck from coming behind the counter, as he circled the bar with his fists clenched, until his uncle came over to intervene. Gamboeck was directed to the door by his uncle, but found it important to grab the Chrismas tree, and pull it down; breaking several delicate ornaments.”

“Good investigate work on the part of the officers led them to the residence of Gamboeck, and as they approached him, he became incensed about police being on scene. He rushed towards the officers, and had to be threatened with a Taser before he was eventually taken into custody. The gender-based obscenities continued to be levied toward a female officer, and he was quickly placed into a squad car and transported to the Dane County Jail.”


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